Sunday, September 18, 2011

Robert Paul LeBaron, CPA

Well, almost... I still have to take the open book ethics exam, buuuuut the results are in and I PASSED all four of the hard sections of the exam. Phew! Now I can go back to normal life after work instead of watching accounting lectures on my computer. It's nice to be able to do whatever I want instead of feeling guilty for not studying. Annnnd, it'll be nice to collect on a fat bonus at work.

And it will be nice to get back to blogging.

What weirdness did you miss while I was away?

I saw a man in a business suit full on punt a pigeon while I was walking to the PwC office. An explosion of feathers ensued and the disgruntled man mumbled to himself like Harry on Home Alone and the pigeon hobbled away. When I returned to the scene of the crime after attending a meeting, I could still see feathers floating about the street corner. I turned to my co-worker and said, "You know, some people might be wondering why those feathers are there, but we know what really happened."

I also saw a construction worker light a cigarette with a flame thrower. Yeah, it was awesome.

And there was more, but I want to make sure I post this.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Building Evacuated

They're evacuating the building, but it's not an emergency. Right...

Bomb Threat

So, there's a bomb threat at my building. They evacuated everybody on floors two through four, but apparently I wouldn't be hurt on the 8th floor if the building collapsed. I can see a mass of paramedics, police officers, and fire trucks and some crime scene tape out the front window. Hopefully the police have things under control because they just recalled all of the elevators and told us to stay put over the loud speaker.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Pedestrian Traffic Sounds

When Mary and I were down at BYU my freshmen year, we noticed a lot of people walking around campus with rolling backpacks. We would often mistake the students lugging roller bags for skateboarders about to hit us and would scurry out of the way, only to find that they weren't skateboarders at all, rather Mormon speedwalkers hauling books in rollerblade handcarts. No matter how many times I heard the sound, it always through me off. These days, I'm the one throwing people off. I have a certain pair of brown shoes with a hard heel that click and clack on hard surfaces so as to make it sound like I'm wearing heels. It's embarrassing. I keep thinking that the sound is somehow masculine, but all I hear is stilettos. Guess I never got the memo. So, I think I either need to get a new pair of brown dress shoes or stop walking through the pedway so I can avoid the stretches of slate and lanes of linoleum.

Friday, April 15, 2011


Maybe it's because I've always had mountains to the east and maybe it's because I always slept in, but I don't feel like I had ever seen a sunrise until I came to Chicago.

They sure are amazing, though. I love waking up to a burnt orange glow emanating through the apartment. The view is only going to get more beautiful once the sailboats repopulate the harbor upon their return from a wintry absence.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Happy Seminary Birthday

Cole Schutjer sent me a text this afternoon that made my day.

"Happy Seminary Birthday!"

To explain this joke, I'll borrow from my Rob Labaron post I wrote a couple of years ago:

It kind of reminded me of how in seminary my birthday was listed as March 11, 1985. I didn't realize they had the wrong birthday until I walked into seminary on March 11th and people started singing. Apparently whoever typed it into the database confused 11/3 with 3/11. If you're dyslexic and you know it palc your shand.

I had forgotten about that story until Cole reminded me today. It's a classic example of one of the little things in life that make life funny.

In other news, a guy at work keeps insisting that from now on he's going to start pronouncing my name backwards. It's a classic example of one of the little things in life that isn't funny. Even the twelfth time.

However, right after that guy called me boB, a girl at work told me an awesome story about a lady in Ohio who was convinced she was a vampire, to the extent that she got long vampire crowns to cap her canines. Apparently my friend's dad is an OBGYN and he delivered the vampire lady's baby right after midnight on New Year's Day, so the newspaper took a picture of the lady with her baby since it was the first baby born in 2010. The lady named her baby Alucard. Being a vampire baby sucks.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Back Sheet Driving

There's nothing worse than somebody in the car telling you what turns to make when you know exactly where you're going. I get that. But let's face it, you don't need to be in a back seat to tell somebody what to do.

Dad illustrated that perfectly when he stated, "If you're ever lost in the woods, you can just start playing a game of Free Cell and eventually somebody will walk up behind you and start telling you where to put your cards and then you can ask them how to get out of the forest."

I've noticed accountants get a little protective of their spreadsheet formulas. I love fixing an 'if' statement as well as the next nerd, but I've learned that when I'm standing behind someone, watching them insert a formula like

=LEFT(R3,LEN(R3)-2)&" US "&RIGHT(G3,10)&" "&IF(E3="Put",,"P","C")&MID(G3,FIND(" ",G3)+1,FIND("STRIKE",G3)-FIND(" ",G3)-2) =IF(AND(TEXT(AN3,"mm/dd/yyyy")


=IF(AG19="Not Valued","Not Valued",IF(AND(ABS(P19)>'Sheet1'!$M$6,ABS('Sheet2'!AG19)>VLOOKUP(AA19,'Sheet1'!$O$7:$Q$11,3,FALSE),"Yes","No"))

and they get this

that it's probably not a good idea to immediately tell them where they messed up. Some people just need to work formulas out on their own. Because if you do tell them they need to delete a double comma in an 'if' statement or add a closing parenthesis for an 'and' statement, you're likely to get rolling eyes, an "I know" or some other snippy response.

In other words

=if(or(Auditor="rolling eyes",Auditor="I know",Auditor="snippy response"),"Bob is a back sheet driver","Bob let them figure it out on their own")