Monday, July 14, 2008

Choose the Right

Aside from the occasional walking into a public washroom without urinals or going several consecutive days with my fly unzipped, the most awkward situation I find myself in at least once a week is when I'm walking down a corridor or even a wide open space and find myself walking head on with someone wondering whether they'll keep walking straight towards me like an asteroid in its orbit or whether they'll move to avoid a pedestrian pileup. We've all done it, the awkward step to the left while the person facing you steps to the right and your body reflexively goes into back-and-forth basketball defense mode. It used to bug me so badly that at one point in high school I instituted the "stiff shoulder" and would literally walk into people and give them a hard shoulder without flinching to avoid the hassle of waiting to see what the other person would do. One kid ran into me and fell on the floor, which made me feel pretty tough despite my lack of pectoral muscles. The stiff shoulder has since become kinder and gentler to unsuspecting travelers, thereby alleviating the effects of Bumper Bob in public settings. However, I do think that if everyone just decided to choose the right when faced with the "which way are they gonna go" decision, that we could go a long way in clearing up this collision conundrum. At least that was my theory until I was on my way to use the washroom without urinals when a girl popped around the corner like a jack-in-the-box and I chose the left to avoid imminent impact.

1 comment:

Braun Family said...

my guess is that the reason you don't give the stiff shoulder anymore is not because you are a gentler man, but more that you are a wuss and therefore cannot muster up such force. am i right?