Friday, October 31, 2008

The Hamburglar

This year, for Halloween I donned a Hamburlgar costume. I even called McDonald's to see if they'd give me a free hamburger to complete the costume. The lady that first answered the phone wasn't a native speaker and, when I threw the idea out there, she answered with a perplexed "Hamgla-what?" After a little bit of explaining she went and asked her manager about giving away a pro-bono burger, but he was a naysayer. I still ended up buying a cheeseburger to complete the costume and really "bandit" together. After I had secured my props from McDonalds, I made my way up to the ward Halloween Party. My costume was a hit at the party and I even found a friend dressed up as Ronald McDonald. I thought maybe I would win the costume contest, but Grimaced when I heard that I had been edged by a kid dressed as a Wal-Mart greeter (he had the blue vest with a name tag, graying hair, giant glasses, and a was walking around with a walker. Okay, okay, you win!). So, when I didn't win, I decided to take my business elsewhere. I went to another ward party in the Wilkinson Center and met up with some of my friends that live in one of the Colony wards. I got there right as the ward was about to have their costume contest, so I decided to compete. I enlisted Brooke Bagley to be my Hamburglar Helper and had her walk down the runway holding a "Big n' Tasty" box while I sneaked up behind her and then nabbed it out of her hands. After the runway had concluded, we sat through the awards ceremony. I was very surprised when the judges named "The Hamburglar" as the "Best Thief". I'm not sure if I've ever won a contest like that before, so it was a fun first for me. I won a Spiderman yo-yo, which I'm pretty excited about. I guess I just wish that they would've come up with a better award name, like "Buns of Steal" or something.

Passing out in class

You want to hear something embarrassing? I’ve been so tired this semester from going to bed late and getting up early that, at times, it has been hard for me to stay awake during class. I was falling asleep in my marketing class and almost succumbed to slumbering but decided to chew a piece of gum to keep me awake. I’m not really sure when it happened, but I fell asleep a couple of minutes later with my fist propping up my chin and my elbow resting on my leg. I woke up a few minutes later after a pool of drool gushed out of my mouth onto my hand and my chin. It was disgusting! I tried to wipe it off inconspicuously so that no one would notice. I think I was pretty sneaky about it, so my snooze ooze went undetected. Yeah, I know, it was gross. I think it was caused by the excess saliva that accompanies gum, but I was still so embarrassed. Just call me Slobbert LeBaron! To add insult to injury, I fell asleep at a church meeting we had on Sunday night, too, and woke up to me blowing spit out of my mouth. It wasn’t a lot, but because the two incidents happened so close together, I started to worry and came to the conclusion that I definitely need to get more sleep. I wonder what I was dreaming about at that church meeting, anyway. I probably thought I was an orca about to surface.

Saturday, October 18, 2008


So, I made up a joke while I was on an airplane flying home from Chicago this morning.

Q: What do you call a midget conductor of a subway train?

A: Metro gnome

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Spilling the beans

Yesterday, prior to BYU's homecoming game against New Mexico, Ernst & Young hosted a tailgate party at BYU's conference center patio. It was for all students that will be flying out to different offices for second round interviews with the firm. The next activity they're having is a private concert with Ryan Shuppe and the Rubberband, which should be pretty cool. Anyway, for the tailgate party Ernst & Young had Costa Vida or a similar restaurant catering the food. The buffet was replete with taco fixings and a choice of pulled pork or grilled chicken or both. I was excited to move through the line because the food looked and smelled so good. As I grabbed my Cafe Rio-esque aluminum tray I nested two small tortillas within and began to heap beans, rice and other tacoey goodness upon my tortillas. When I had reached the end of the line I looked down at my mounding tacos and realized that attempting to contain all of the food into two tiny torillas might prove too daunting a task. So, I decided to douse my corpulent carnitas with Tomatillo dressing and transform them into a healthy salad.

With salad in hand, I looked around for a place to sit. I noticed that there weren't really tables, but that everyone was sitting on chairs arranged in semicircles for socializing and their aluminum trays were resting on their laps. I sat down next to one of my friends and started eating, but after a few minutes I took a closer look at my tray and realized that while I had been cutting the meat and tortillas in my salad, I had also been slicing through my aluminum tray. There were three gaping holes in my tray and pinto beans were smeared all over my jeans. I suppose in my feeding frenzy I had become aluminumb to the whole situation. I went and grabbed another tray to reinforce my fillings so that my friend wouldn't have to put up with my "Holey-er than thou" attitude. While I was up and about I figured I might as well get my seventh refill of Brazilian limeade. I could drink that stuff all day.