Thursday, July 2, 2009

Billy Mays and the Age of Infomercials

Even though Billy Mays was not my lover, he was loved in the world of infomercials. He really was loud and convincing, from OxyClean to the Ding King to ESPN.

I think I would actually be good at writing infomercial scripts. I'd have catchy lines like, "Tired of your cat pulling down the table cloth?"

*Show black and white video of cat using claws to pull down table cloth causing dishes crash on the floor and break into pieces. Camera changes to frustrated woman standing at door entryway pulling her hair in frustration while shaking her head*

The pitchman then introduces the "Table Cable" or something else completely worthless.

As funny as infomercials are, though, I'm a total sucker for buying stuff from infomercials. For example, I purchased the "Nicer Dicer" which turned out to not be as nice as I had hoped, but what can you do? I'm actually pretty sure that it works well, I just have only used it once on a super squishy tomato, so of course it didn't work.

I also purchased (my personal favorite) the "Snuggie." Yeah, don't be jealous, it is as comfortable and convenient as it looks. No more having to lift my hand out of the blanket to change the channel. Now using the remote control is a cinch! I will say, though, that my favorite part about the Snuggie is the reading light that came with it. No joke. It's much more useful than the Digital Reminder. Worthless p.o.j.

I'm pretty sure that the new free gift that comes with Snuggies is the Baby Snuggie Vest. It looks ideal for a cool autumn hike, eh?
P.S. Stay tuned for pics of me in my Snuggie.


Mary said...

so....gross baby vest. infomercial splurge was turbo jam. I used to be so fat and then I kick boxed my way into a lean mean baby making machine (and now I'm fat again....DBJ)

DuPree's said...

Let me just say that Devin and I are both super excited to purchase our own snuggie baby vests! It will be perfect for our baby boy on those cold winter days in Texas!

flori said...

Are you the sucker who is reborn every minute? I liked the table cable idea. Try it.

Joseph said...

Bob, I never knew you bought the snuggie. I'm surprised you never brought it over for game nights. If holding a remote is more comfortable, think how comfy an xbox controller would feel...