Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Homeless Bob

I was looking through some old e-mails and I found some nuggets of nostalgia. It took me down memory lane when I read some of the things I had written about before my mission. I thought you'd all enjoy little tale about the time I got locked out of my apartment and slept at Beto's.

December 2, 2004

Well, once upon a yesterday, I drove over to my brother Joe's house in Herriman--it's about half-way between P-Town and Slick City--to play Halo 2 with him. Do you know what Halo 2 is? It's a game on the XBOX invented for male bonding.

Anyway, the hours kept on slipping and slipping away. Pretty soon, before we knew it, 2 o'clock in the morning passed us by. "I'd better go," I told my brother. He asked if I wanted to spend the night, but I didn't want to risk it because I had to return my sister's car early and I had an appointment.

As I was leaving, I realized that I didn't have my keys to my apartment, but I figured I'd just chance it, because I'd gotten home around 1 am before and people were still up. I even thought to call my roommate to tell him to keep the door unlocked, but, foolishly, I just turned up the radio and started the arduous thirty minute trek back to P-Vo.

When I arrived, I noticed there were no lights on in the Colony (my apt complex). Hmmm...strange...but then again, maybe not; because, like Matchbox 20 so eloquently sang, "It's 3 a.m., I must be lonely." And lonely I was, with only the haunting blue glow of the "Office" sign.

Sure enough, when I walked up to my apartment door, it was locked. Now my preplanned plan of attack kicked in. I knew that if something like this were to happen that I'd have to figure out what to do (that was the preplanned plan). So, I contemplated calling my roommate because he'd probably just barely gone to bed. Then I thought about calling my sister's boyfriend (who is also a roommate). If I called him I could just say, "If you want to be in this family you've got to start making some sacrifices."

Well, I ended up just looking at the clock and realizing that it was about 3:20 by the time I'd checked the screens and everything. I thought, "Hey, my roommates are going to be getting up in about three hours anyway. Maybe I'll just sleep in my car!" Einstein would've been proud of that idea. So, I went back to my car, the crappy Ford Escort, to initiate my sound slumber. I didn't have a blanket, so I thought I'd warm up the car a little.

After I had had the heater on for a little while I turned it off and took off my coat and used it as a blanket and wrapped my scarf around my head like a ninja. Yeah, I think it maybe took 30 seconds until I could see my breath again. It was pretty much the coldest night that I know of.

So, I realized that I was up a creek. I thought about calling my roommate, but by this time it was almost four. So, I did what any person would've done in my situation and I decided that I would go to Del Taco and buy a taco and that after I had finished it, I would pretend that the food was so delicious that I just decided to take a little nap to help my recover from my 39 cent meal. Well, much to my chagrin, the mop guy at the restaurant was apparently on to me because he locked the door whilst he mopped about, cleaning the floor of the restaurant and listening to music.

Next stop, Beto's. I pulled up and walked inside the restaurant only to see a homeless guy already sleeping in the corner booth. I guess my idea wasn't so original. I knew that if I fell asleep too that Paco and Juan, the guys working at the counter, would be on to us. So, I just ordered a breakfast burrito and took my sweet time savoring the taste of the food and the warmth of warmth--I'd forgotten what warmth felt like.

I didn't really feel comfortable sleeping at Beto's because there was graffiti all over the seats and all over the bathroom. Plus, I had a $50 bill in my pocket and I didn't trust Homeless John Doe over there in the corner booth. So, I went across the street to the Macy's grocery store to have a looksy.

I walked in and went over to that place in grocery stores where they sell fried chicken or potato logs or whatever, and they had some booths over there. I thought maybe I'd pull a fast one on the employees, but that felt weird too. That's just not me, looking for a place to sleep. So, I just bought some Jone's Soda and left.

Well, by this time it was well into the morning. I think it was about 4:45. So, I just decided that I would sleep in my car for one hour and then I would check my apartment to see if it was open and if it wasn't, I would drive up to BYU's campus and sleep in one of the buildings because they open at six.

Ah, such desperate measures taken, when I really should've just called my roommate.

Anyway, I had a nice, one-hour power nap in the fetal position with my coat draped over what it would drape. It was so frigid! When I woke up at six, I got out of the car and reached into my pocket for my car keys to lock the door, only to find my apartment keys were in my pocket all along! No, that's a lie. I just thought I'd see if you were paying attention. But, my apartment door was open at 6 o'clock. Who in the heck gets up that early? Not me, I just stay up.


Mariposa said...

oh, bob. the escort. *sigh*
you should have come to our apt! I remember when you told me that story and I'm going to say it again - you should have come to our apt. there. i said it again.

Carrie said...

That's a classic. Thanks for the refresher :)

Krista said...

I love that story. Never gets old